Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Express Yourself While Healing Yourself

Art is an awesome way to really get your feelings out. I get my feelings out on a piece of paper with a diary my mother got me for that specific reason. Having a diary is good, but there's other ways to get it out too.
  Let's start off with drawing. Now I started drawing for a while, I stopped because I can only take so much of it before I go insane, it is stressful. Well, at least the way I did it was stressful. I pretended like I was back to the scene of the attack. I drew one picture of how I was, where I was, what was around me, and who was around me before it happened. Then I drew a second picture of just my face and the bed I was on and the alarm clock that is imprinted in my mind for some reason I'll never forget it while the attack was happening. Then I drew a third picture of myself after the attack, where I was, and what was around me. This is pretty tough to do, it most definitely made me want to puke, punch something, rip my skin off, and bawl my eyes out all at the same time. But afterwards I calmed down, then the next day I looked at the pictures again. I felt relief. See, I accept what happened to me. I shouldn't have to accept it, but the only way to move forward in healing is to accept that it happened. The last picture I drew was kind of an abstract, just a mix of lots of different objects that represent certain things through out my whole life and who I am, who I was, and what I've become. So drawing can help.
   How about painting? It's kinda the same thing as drawing. Abstract is a cool thing to do. Just paint what you feel, dip your brush in whatever color you're feeling and put it on the canvas however you want. It's that simple :)
  Let's talk about poems. See, poems and songs kinda go hand in hand. Poems are just shorter, and really don't even have to rhyme. Here's an example of a poem I wrote:
  lost again in a town i don't know
 funny how a friend turns to foe
 he was supposed to keep me safe away from harm
 why wont he let go of me i can't move his arm
 why can't i see straight nothing looks right
 why do i try but can't put up a fight
 shouldn't have been drinking
 i'm stupid, i wasent thinking
 i want to go home
 i run away shaking and alone.

Now I just came up with that off the top of my head, that was a nice random release for the night. You should give the poem thing a try :)
Writing songs is amazing, I've been doing it since I was 8 years old. I have tons of songs, I'm sure you'll be seeing some I'll post them.

There's tons of different forms of art, you just have to find what you like, and express yourself. :)


Don't Cry For Her, She's Okay - a Poem by my Sister, a Survivor.

She was a young teenage girl with a successful life ahead,
Until she met this guy and ran with him instead.
He led her into his lies and took her life away,
Made her do as he said or he'd promise to hurt her someday.
One day his promise came true, he punched her in the face,
Backed her in a corner and stole away her grace.
That was the final straw for her, she finally got the nerve to leave.
But now, she's got a piece of him that she can not believe...
So, she went to tell him he's a dad and he said he didn't care.
So she went on all alone in hopes one day he would be there.
Now almost two years later he's never acknowledged her,
But somehow that's not surprising because she predicted this to occur.

    Stephanie Hartman-Mackynen

I wrote this when Destiny was a little over one years old. Her father raped me not only once, but several times in the seven months I was in Arizona. Not only did I endure all that, I was also physically abused. He kicked the crap out of me daily. When I discovered I was pregnant, I didn't know what to do. I was afraid to tell anyone. I explored options that I do not agree with, but in the circumstance I was in I had to look at every available option. Thirteen years later, my daughter is a wonderfully talented young lady. I have days where I look at her and all I see is him and it is hard. I flash back to the horrible memories I have tried to erase. For years, I didn't tell a sole about what happened and to this day only a few people know the whole story. Some details do not need to be said, but just enough so those can understand what happened. I was a typical 16 year old girl when I met this jerk. I got caught up in the moment and took off to Arizona with him. What a mistake, because that is when the hell started. I hid that pain I endured for years... The best way to begin the healing process is to talk. I am not as brave as you (Melody) and doing what you are doing with this blog and all. I couldn't be any prouder of who you are and how you stand up for what you believe in. I commend you, love you, and wish you all the best with everything you do in life. Making others aware of RAPE is powerful. So many young people don't fully understand the subject and what is classified as rape. Like you said, anything after the word "no" is exactly that, rape. I hope that your words reach those who need the inspiration to open up and begin to heal...

Thank you so much for this, it definitely took a lot of strength to share this and I hope you know by sharing this you're  giving other survivors a sense of comfort knowing they're not the only ones and also showing that it's okay to speak up.
Thank you for being proud of me, I'm just doing the best I can to change the worlds view on rape. I love you big sis :)
  Poetry is an amazing thing that helps survivors work through the overwhelming emotions we all have as Stephanie has shown with her poem. Writing songs is also another helpful thing, as well as painting/drawing. 


A Message From an Amazing Supporter!

I had sent out a few messages via Facebook to inform people of Rape Victims Rights Movement.
I got a response from an amazing man who had lost his son and is the author of "A Child Died, A Father Cried"

Here's what he had to say about RVRM!

"Melody/all---I think this is a great way to speak forth the truth while helping others at the very same time. There is healing in the truth being told, abuse stopping for the victims and others...and sharing (like your blog) while helping others. I will be praying for you as you share with others so unselfishly. That is love."

This message truly made my heart swell, I love when people encourage and support this movement, it reminds me over and over again that YES this is something that should be talked about openly and LOUDLY so everyone can be informed and never ever keep us quiet!


Any questions you want help with? Or a Topic you want me to cover?

If you have any questions you want me to make a post about and answer, let me know! Is their a topic you want me to make a post about? I'll do it. All you have to do is e-mail me at
 And no worries, if you'd like me to keep your name private, just tell me, and I will.
I'm all about creating a safe and healthy environment here.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Here's a song I heard & Thought of You All!

I heard this song on a commercial and immediately went online to see who did it and I found the video :)  It made me think of myself and all of you, enjoy XOXO

Be OK - Ingrid Michealson on YouTube

Here's the lyrics in case you aren't able to watch the video right now!

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

Looks like I've been blocking...Time to hop back on the road to RECOVERY!

Dear fellow survivors and supporters :),
 It's been a while since I've updated the blog or said anything. Life's been busy with work and friends. It's also been too busy to really focus on recovering. It's weird, it's like life does not stop for you to recover and work on yourself but you have to if you want to be sane. Blocking is almost natural because what else can you do when you have work, school, friends, activities. But no more excuses, I need to hop back on the road to recovery. I'm thinking and there's tons of different ways to help yourself heal everyday. Even if it's just sitting down at night after a busy day and reflecting on how far you've come since it happened, how you reacted differently to things today than you would have right after your attack happened. Or if your attack recently happened sit down and reflect on how you've felt in certain places today or how you've reacted to things people have said or did different from before. Try to think why you've reacted or felt this way. Recognizing feels and emotions are majorly important. Once you recognize them, figure out where exactly they come from, they become super easy to understand so they don't feel so overwhelming because my God them things could drown me if I didn't learn how to recognize them.
  Just my thoughts of the night, hope you all are doing well XOXO

Tell the F.B.I. RAPE IS RAPE!

Please join me in signing this petition to tell the F.B.I. that rape is rape.

*WARNING - some of the things said below may trigger you, read with caution.

Each year, the FBI fails to count hundreds of thousands of rapes in its Uniform Crime Report (UCR)—even missing many rapes that are reported to police. That’s because for over 80 years, the FBI has been using the same fundamentally flawed definition of “forcible” rape: “The carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will” to track rape statistics in the UCR.
This excludes rapes involving forced anal sex and/or oral sex, vaginal or anal fisting, rape with an object (even if serious injuries result), rapes of men and transgender people and other injurious and degrading sexual assaults. Also, because the definition includes the word “forcibly,” police departments often interpret the rule (against UCR guidelines) as leaving out rapes of women with physical or mental disabilities and those who were unconscious or under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

Sign the petition on now!